Ever have that feeling of anxiety when saying yes to help someone, but really you wanted to say no? The request is not in your duty statement. It is extra to your workload.
I believe everyone is entitled to guard their time and to only give it away when it suits. Time is more valuable than money and you don't give away money every time someone asks.
However, we like to help others as it fills our appreciation cup.
So how do we say no while saying yes?
The Request
When someone asks for a favour, they are actually asking for you to prioritise their time over yours without any exchange of value for you.
As with all requests there are two choices - yes or no.
If you say yes, then there is no further conversation except when they want it done by. But they have control not you.
If you say no, then there is a difficult conversation to explain why. This is the uncomfortable part.
The trick is to have a controlled conversation where you are the controller and say yes on your terms or no that they agree to without need for explanation.
These are the steps to achieve anxiety free responses to favours:
Requester Can you do this for me? (task)
You – Pause, Breath, remove emotion and self-question.
Question 1
Capable
Do I have the skills?
Am I the best suited to complete the task?
Is there someone better?
If yes to 1 & 2, then proceed to Capacity
If no to 1or 2, then who is better and advise the Requester.
“I don’t have the skill set to do the task, but I know Betty from HR is pretty knowledgeable in this area.”
You didn’t say no, and you directed them to where they might get a yes.
Question 2
Capacity
How long will it take?
How much energy will it take?
Work out the time and energy requirement, then you have some insights to what is being exchanged in time and energy terms.
“Yes, I can do this, and it will take 40 minutes and a fair bit of effort as I haven’t done it for a while.”
No argument to this, but you haven’t said when.
Question 3
Calendar
When could I do it?
Now that you have the time frame look in your calendar to allocate the task. This is important as you are in control of the priority, not the Requester. Depending on how much time it will take will depend on when you can complete the task. 20 minutes is easier to find than 2 hours.
“I can do the task on Friday after lunch.” “No, I need it earlier.”
“Everything in my calendar is at deadlines until Friday lunch.”
“Try Betty from HR she is pretty knowledgeable in this area.”
Nowhere in this conversation, unless the Requester threatens to fire you, is there an anxious moment. You are being honest, transparent and professional as to how you came to the conclusion of your answer.
It starts with a PAUSE.
Are you CAPABLE?
Have you got the CAPACITY?
If so, allocate time in your CALENDAR.
The ball is in their court to agree or disagree to your terms.
Of course, you have to be brave and have conviction. But if it works once, then you will be anxiety free with the next request.
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