During an interview on The Imperfects podcast, three-time World Champion surfer Mick Fanning shared his thoughts on coping with the unimaginable loss of not one, but three brothers—each taken in a tragic, unexpected way.
His world changed forever after the death of his brother Sean. Grief consumed him, and he found himself trapped in his own narrative, endlessly analysing and trying to make sense of the loss.
One of the key insights he emerged with was simple yet profound: You can’t control the uncontrollable.
When we experience painful events, our natural response is to protect ourselves. Our emotions take over, activating the fight, flight, or freeze response as a coping mechanism. This instinct is essential in the short term, but it’s not a healthy place to stay.
There comes a time when we must step out from the force of our emotions and gain clarity—not to forget, but to forge forward.
So how do we manage the incidents, events, or situations that weigh down our emotional backpack?
The Folders of Influence
When my mind feels cluttered with concerns, I use a simple strategy to process them. I categorize each issue into one of three Folders of Influence:
Full Influence Folder
Partial Influence Folder
No Influence Folder
To determine where an issue belongs, I ask myself: “How much influence do I have over the outcome of this issue?”
Our emotional backpacks are often filled with burdens from various interactions, events, or decisions—many of which are beyond our control. If you were to apply your two most valuable assets—energy and time—to this issue, what impact could you truly have?
Your answer determines where the issue belongs and, crucially, how much energy and time you should devote to it.
Sorting the Issues
Like physical folders, these categories help us archive and process our responses:
No Influence Folder – This folder holds everything from the past. If an issue is beyond your control or has already happened, stop giving it airtime. Ruminating on “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” scenarios won’t change anything. No energy or time should be allocated here.
Partial Influence Folder – This folder contains issues where you have some input, but external factors also play a role. Other people’s actions may help or hinder the outcome. Some energy and time should be allocated, but you must accept that progress may not be entirely within your control.
Full Influence Folder – This folder holds the present—where your energy and time can have an immediate impact. Here, you control the decision-making and implementation. This is where learning, growth, and progress happen. You have a direct influence on the outcome, which helps lighten your backpack.
Applying It to Education
In the education space, the folders might look like this:
No Influence Folder – Government education policies, last year’s NAPLAN results.
Partial Influence Folder – Staff development days, parents' understanding of student progress.
Full Influence Folder – The classroom environment, teacher-student relationships, daily lesson delivery.
Mick Fanning’s lesson about not controlling the uncontrollable aligns perfectly with this strategy. By consciously sorting issues into the right Folder of Influence, you’ll free yourself from unnecessary burdens and focus on what truly matters.
Shift your focus to the Full and Partial Influence folders, and you’ll be amazed at the boost in your mental fitness. The sense of achievement that comes from making a
difference will lighten your emotional backpack.
What will you put in your Folders of Influence?
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